My step-dad and I have always had a bad relationship. This sucks because he's been my step-dad since I was like 5. He is emotionally abusive but mostly selfish and neglecting. He treats everybody like this except for my oldest step-sister. He expects everyone to treat him like a king but shows no love for anyone (except for the aforementioned the step-sister) even my mom. He's mean but he's mostly just cold and distant. Except for when he's really drunk then he loves everybody. Oh yeah he's an alcoholic BTW.

I basically avoid him the best I can while still keeping a relationship with my mom. My therapist says that I should never visit them or allow my kids to visit them she says that my mom should come to see me if she wants to see me. This is just not possible.

It's hurts my mom because for some strange reason she loves him. I don't know why, he treats her like crap. My family tells me to forgive him and start anew but I am just not wired that way.

If he had hurt me before then changed his ways I could forgive him but he just keeps on being him and keeps on hurting me and the ones I love.

Not really looking for advice I guess. I just wanted to vent and since I don't have any offline friends I thought I would unload on you guys.

Sorry so long. There's a lot more to the story if you want to hear it I'll share it with you. If not I'll probably end up sharing it anyway. :grin:

Nothing wrong with venting, practically everyone has stuff like this in their closet. :)

Nothing wrong with venting, practically everyone has stuff like this in their closet. :)

Hay I came out of the closet a long time ago......Oh wait I said too much. :grin:

JK

I grew up with a bad relationship with my father. I really know how you feel. The fact is that the things that hurt us as a child can linger with us throughout our lives. It really doesn't matter if others think you should forgive him...they don't have your feelings. You may have not have the ability to forgive just yet. It took me years of dealing with my feelings about my father to forgive him and move on...we can discuss that over email later if you'd like.

Your feelings are your feelings. Someday you may be able to forgive and move on...

I didn't forgive my real father until he died. I don't think he ever knew or cared how I felt about him. Just like my step-dad he proly thought he was super-dad. Oh well he's dead now. No sense in harboring hard feelings now.

I'll email you later with some details and if you feel comfortable talking about your relationship with your dad I would be glad to listen. You can e-mail me anytime.

I didn't forgive my real father until he died. I don't think he ever knew or cared how I felt about him. Just like my step-dad he proly thought he was super-dad. Oh well he's dead now. No sense in harboring hard feelings now.

I'll email you later with some details and if you feel comfortable talking about your relationship with your dad I would be glad to listen. You can e-mail me anytime.

Cool...I'm out of town pretty much for the rest of the weekend, so I'll probably catch you Monday.

Cool...I'm out of town pretty much for the rest of the weekend, so I'll probably catch you Monday.

Are you coming into town to stalk me?

*Note to self trim hedges before Dadu gets here*

Anyway take care. I hope your trip is for pleasure.

Yeah, heading down to Ashland to visit the folks, then headed to Westlake for dinner with the future in-laws...they even got us a limo! :)

We all have family stuff. Since you shared I will as well.

My problem is my step grandmother. Now she had big shoes to fill anyways because my Memere was an amazing woman and she died at 60 of a degenerative condition. First she lied to my grandfather about her interests saying she liked to travel and such. She doesn't so my grandfather is miserable and his RV he worked his whole life for just sits. She moved my aunt who has Down's Syndrome out of the house and moved in her mother and then her granddaughter and great granddaughter- who are healthy and able to work and live on their own. My aunt is slowly being taken by Alheimers (Down's can cause early onset) and she won't move her family out so my aunt can move back home and be with her family what little time she has left.

Then there was Josephine's sixth birthday. It happened to fall on Thanksgiving that year. She was so excited that everyone would be there on her birthday. But grandma's daughter had moved five blocks away from her old house and it was so tough on her. So yeah dissapoint the six year old. The 40 year old grown-up is far more important. Not that they've come to a family event since he married her. Not that we invted everyone including her daughter. It's perfectly fine to have my six year old cry as long as the 40 year old is fine.

Then there is her great granddaughter Brooklyn. She is a neat kid yes but since she came along none of my grandfather's great grandkids exist. There were five great granddaughters before her- three of mine, my sister's daughter and stepdaughter. After Brooklyn there are my stepsisters kids- one has a daughter and another a son, my youngest, and my brother's daughter who was born just last month. She scheduled a cruise for when my brother's daughter was due. Grandpa wanted to fly to North Carolina. Apparently he lost his manhood when he married her.

When they came to meet Natalia- who was six months old and I had to be in California for them to visit my kids (since she hates to travel) she kept trying to leave because Brooklyn may have been curing cancer or copmposing her first symphony. That was the only time I ever saw my grandfather stand up to her.

You are right I feel a lot better too. Sorry to hijack your thread.

Yeah, heading down to Ashland to visit the folks, then headed to Westlake for dinner with the future in-laws...they even got us a limo! :)

A limo!

http://i493.photobucket.com/albums/rr298/pbropp/forums/That-Rocks.jpg

You are right I feel a lot better too. Sorry to hijack your thread.

No problem...I'm sorry that you had to deal with this...It may sound kind of sick but I was hoping that I wasn't alone here.

-Phil

I think it is good to vent at times especially if others don't listen to you or judge you based on your decisions. You have every right to feel the way you do. Your step-father has done nothing, it seems, to mend things on his own. You can't be the hero for the family so it makes sense to feel the way you do. I can understand why your therapist said to stay away. Kids don't need to be around that kind of behavior. Hopefully things turn around for you but if they don't you at least know what to expect from that man.

Kids don't need to be around that kind of behavior. Hopefully things turn around for you but if they don't you at least know what to expect from that man.

Oh yeah my kids have very limited access to him. They rarely spend the night or visit them without me. He doesn't treat my kids near as bad as he has treated me but I keep a watchful eye anyway. He is not allowed to watch them without my mom. Not that she ever protected me.

I never really know what to expect from him. Sometimes he sober and distant, sometimes he's drunk and loves everyone, sometimes he's drunk and mean. You just never know.

No problem...I'm sorry that you had to deal with this...It may sound kind of sick but I was hoping that I wasn't alone here.

-Phil


Nope, not alone. I think a lot of people have family issues, you know? I don't get along with my mom very well.

I don't get along with my mom very well.

I'm sorry to hear that. :sad:

I'm sorry to hear that. :sad:

Thanks. Compared to some of the issues you all are having it isn't that bad, but it sucks because I just think a girl is supposed to have a close relationship with your mom, kwim?

No problem...I'm sorry that you had to deal with this...It may sound kind of sick but I was hoping that I wasn't alone here.

-Phil

It's human nature. Has he been tested for mental illness ever? Bi polar disorder?

It's human nature. Has he been tested for mental illness ever? Bi polar disorder?


That would be worth looking into.

I think the biggest thing to do is pray that God will change his heart or your moms so that she leaves

My step-dad thinks that people with mental illness are just woosies. So he had a lot to say when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and ADD. He believes that if you have problems that you should just bury them deep down inside and kill the pain with alcohol.

My step-dad thinks that people with mental illness are just woosies. So he had a lot to say when I was diagnosed with Bipolar disorder and ADD. He believes that if you have problems that you should just bury them deep down inside and kill the pain with alcohol.

You see that's not healthy. Of course you know that. I hope he realizes it.

You see that's not healthy. Of course you know that. I hope he realizes it.

He won't. He'll never change. He has such a narrow view of the world that he doesn't want to change and can't see anyone elses point of view.

He won't. He'll never change. He has such a narrow view of the world that he doesn't want to change and can't see anyone elses point of view.

That's awful. I hope your mom wakes up. She doesn't deserve to be miserable and neither do you guys.

That's awful. I hope your mom wakes up. She doesn't deserve to be miserable and neither do you guys.

She's too scared to live alone to ever leave him. Her life stinks with him but she's too comfortable to leave. I have encouraged her to all of my life. That probably wasn't fair of me but she could do so much better. Once again low self esteem wins over rational thought.

She's too scared to live alone to ever leave him. Her life stinks with him but she's too comfortable to leave. I have encouraged her to all of my life. That probably wasn't fair of me but she could do so much better. Once again low self esteem wins over rational thought.

You called it. You know until I got some confidence in myself I dated guys like him all the time. I even married one.