Got any life lessons you want to share about what you have learned from having gone through a breakup at any stage of your life.

I have short story to tell, but got a meetings this afternoon I must attend.

the only one I can think of won't help anyone here at this time, unless there are lurkers of course!!
When I was 17 I fell in love with my boyfriend. And I was in love, was it permenant for the rest of my life love? no, but he will forever be my first love. We all have those.
I thought I was going to marry him, though I knew I was too young and wanted to finish college first. I made a tough decision and went away to school in Texas. I am from the Chicago area. It was so hard to leave him and I was quite sad over it, but I knew I had to experience life first! So I moved, we stayed together and talked daily. I then met my husband to be. We just grew apart. I never cheated him or anything like that.
He came to see me a few times and I came home to see him a few times over a just a few months. So I saw him every2 or 3 months or so. well by the time 6 months came along, we had just grown our own ways. He was a high school drop out with a mefiocore labor job and I was living the life of a 19 year old co-ed. We broke up and I never regretted it. I never regretted the break up, though I thought of him often, and still on occassion even now. Not in the same way though. I know longer feel attached to him. I know longer wonder what would have happened. I now know that my life turned out the way God had planned it to. I needed that ex to bring me to understand who was

He came to see me a few times and I came home to see him a few times over a just a few months. So I saw him every2 or 3 months or so. well by the time 6 months came along, we had just grown our own ways.

I wish every couple who is thinking of gettng married could spend 6 - 12 months apart. It helps clarify if the couple has the right relationship to stay together. So many couples do drift apart, yet many quickly determine they have what it takes to get married & be happy together. If recall, Trina and her husband spent time living in separate cities before they got married.

A cousin (mid 20s) of mine got married a couple years ago. He and his girlfriend were apart for 1 year (a east-west coast thing), they met in college, but after graduation he took a job on the other side of the country. During that year they found that were in contact with each other every day by phone, email, IM, etc. Being separated physically only underscored that they were right for each other; instead of growing apart, they grew closer.

I wish every couple who is thinking of gettng married could spend 6 - 12 months apart. It helps clarify if the couple has the right relationship to stay together. So many couples do drift apart, yet many quickly determine they have what it takes to get married & be happy together. If recall, Trina and her husband spent time living in separate cities before they got married.

A cousin (mid 20s) of mine got married a couple years ago. He and his girlfriend were apart for 1 year (a east-west coast thing), they met in college, but after graduation he took a job on the other side of the country. During that year they found that were in contact with each other every day by phone, email, IM, etc. Being separated physically only underscored that they were right for each other; instead of growing apart, they grew closer.


Wow Neal, you have a great memory! Yes, I was offered a teaching position an hour away from where DH (my serious BF at the time) was working. I did NOT want to go but knew it was something I had to do. (More below.) I had faith that if Mike and I were meant to be, everything would work out, even if I moved away. In our case, this separation drew us closer. We visited each other on weekends and talked on the phone every couple days. I was often in tears Sunday evenings when we had to go our separate ways. We actually got engaged during that time. I finished the school year but didn't renew my contract because I simply couldn't be away from Mike for any longer.

Lessons learned from break ups... I met my first love my freshman year in college. I thought he was the "one". We talked of marriage, and he actually wanted to get engaged. I wanted to wait until senior year because at 18, I felt too young to be making such a serious commitment. Things were great at first, but he gradually became manipulative and jealous. Told me I was ugly and stupid and no other guys would want me. Since I loved him so much, I believed him. :mad: He started telling me who I could and could not associate with and became terribly jealous and upset if I talked with other guys. Even his own fraternity brothers told me I deserved better. One night he threw me against a wall during an argument. THANKFULLY I finally saw the light and knew I had to get OUT of the relationship. Broke my heart but I was not going to waste any more time with an abusive BF.

I vowed to myself not to ever allow another guy to treat me like that. To follow my hopes and dreams, and if a guy truly loved me he would support this. THAT'S why I knew I had to move away to accept the teaching job. As hard as it was to move away from Mike and possibly lose him, I knew I had to do it for myself. If we broke up, well then, we weren't meant to be. You know how the story ends. :)

wow Trina, i am so glad you dropped that loser!

Lessons learned from break ups... I met my first love my freshman year in college. I thought he was the "one". We talked of marriage, and he actually wanted to get engaged. I wanted to wait until senior year because at 18, I felt too young to be making such a serious commitment. Things were great at first, but he gradually became manipulative and jealous. Told me I was ugly and stupid and no other guys would want me. Since I loved him so much, I believed him. :mad: He started telling me who I could and could not associate with and became terribly jealous and upset if I talked with other guys. Even his own fraternity brothers told me I deserved better. One night he threw me against a wall during an argument. THANKFULLY I finally saw the light and knew I had to get OUT of the relationship. Broke my heart but I was not going to waste any more time with an abusive BF.

20+ later do you know what has become of him?

Breakups can be strange and complicated, and how they play out often bring out the worst in a worst in a person. Deep down they know the relationship is not going to work, yet one or both individuals don't want to let go. When a person won't let go, it is like trying save a sinking ship that can't be saved, and that is when things can get really nasty.

Personally I think some relationships are right, but only right for a limited period of time. It is never easy to know when a relionships has reached the end and further efforts to make it work is simply prolonging the ultimate end.

20+ later do you know what has become of him?

Last I heard he is living out your way, Neal, in Washington state and on wife #3. I have no regrets over having that relationship. The experience was loaded with important life lessons. DH had a similar experience with his college GF.

I have another break up story that I will always feel badly about. :uhh: I'll post when I have more time.

Where's your story? :)

Where's your story? :)

I am in a three day, all day, meeting and the only time I have to check email, etc is every couple of hours. :)

likely story

likely story

Why would Trina make up a story like that. ;)

Ha ha! Nice try, Neal!

yay uh huh

Where's your story? :)

It is true that I have been in 3 day meeting, but it turned out that I am having a harder time writing about the one break up that prompted me to create this thread. Normally I don't have a difficult time, but this one still lingers as a relationship that didn't run the course completely.

It is true that I have been in 3 day meeting, but it turned out that I am having a harder time writing about the one break up that prompted me to create this thread. Normally I don't have a difficult time, but this one still lingers as a relationship that didn't run the course completely.


I think I remember you referring to this relationship before.

I probably have, for the past 20 years it has bothered me because it was left unresolved. It is like reading a book and loosing the book half way through, and left wondering how the story ends. One possible conclusion is that sometimes the story just ends in mid stream, and the people involved must accept that some things will remain unresolved/unanswered despite your best efforts. Maybe in another 20 years, I'll perceive a greater meaning/significance.

The way I see it, regardless of how things ended (or not) it didn't work out, which means it wasn't meant to be.

The way I see it, regardless of how things ended (or not) it didn't work out, which means it wasn't meant to be.

I agree. It doesn't bother me that it didn't work out because I'm quite happy with my life. What has bothered me is that things were left unresolved, not that I wish for a specific outcome. I went on to date others girls until I met my wife; with others nothing was left unresolved, thus I felt that the relationship had run its course.

I am actually going through my first divorce with my fathers children. Its def. been a learning experience and i wish i had listened to my heart a few years ago when we got married but i guess i needed to learn of the hardships life brings for myself. He was my high school sweetheart. Long story short. I graduated early from HS and moved away to texas to be with him and his family. (His family moved away my junior year.) We had been together for almost a year before he left. I felt like he was the one for me so i decided to make it work and move out there. Well after a few months i knew that he was no longer the one i was meant to be with and flew back home to utah. A few weeks later i found out i was pregnant with my first and also decided after realizing i wasnt ready for a child to give him up for adoption. Well, he refused to give him up for adoption saying he was ready to come out and prove to me he wanted this family. I was 7 months along when he finally moved back to utah to be with me. When my little boy was 6 months old we got married. I quickly made a decision that we should get divorced since we couldnt get along and i could see he was becoming very controlling in almost every aspect. I let him know i filed for divorce but not shortly after found out i was pregnant again. I felt since we were bringing another baby into our lives that we should TRY and make it work once again. Well we are now finally proceeding with the divorce and get along much better apart. I do still love him as a father to my kids and as a big part of my life but we are better people and parents separate.

Yeah, there is more to having a successful marriage than sex. I have known many couples who were good in bed together, but beyond that they weren't very compatible.

I am actually going through my first divorce with my fathers children. Its def. been a learning experience and i wish i had listened to my heart a few years ago when we got married but i guess i needed to learn of the hardships life brings for myself. He was my high school sweetheart. Long story short. I graduated early from HS and moved away to texas to be with him and his family. (His family moved away my junior year.) We had been together for almost a year before he left. I felt like he was the one for me so i decided to make it work and move out there. Well after a few months i knew that he was no longer the one i was meant to be with and flew back home to utah. A few weeks later i found out i was pregnant with my first and also decided after realizing i wasnt ready for a child to give him up for adoption. Well, he refused to give him up for adoption saying he was ready to come out and prove to me he wanted this family. I was 7 months along when he finally moved back to utah to be with me. When my little boy was 6 months old we got married. I quickly made a decision that we should get divorced since we couldnt get along and i could see he was becoming very controlling in almost every aspect. I let him know i filed for divorce but not shortly after found out i was pregnant again. I felt since we were bringing another baby into our lives that we should TRY and make it work once again. Well we are now finally proceeding with the divorce and get along much better apart. I do still love him as a father to my kids and as a big part of my life but we are better people and parents separate.

I've been there...best of luck to you.

I'm terrible at breaking up. I have had a stalker for the last 14 years she still hasn't gotten over me. Or maybe I wasn't clear enough or maybe I'm just that irresistible. It's a long story. I'll start a new thread about it.

I've had a stalker or two. One asked me to marry him when I was coming home from a date. I told him I wanted to marry someone who made my heart flip- not my stomach.