does the other parent get to make the decision?

Kaytee · 02-02-2010, 01:47 PM

so this came up somehwere that mom had to do all the sleep stuff. Dad was either at work or just didn't do it. She enjoys cuddling wiht her baby and nursing him to sleep (6 months old) Dh works very early so goes to bed around 8pm. Baby goes to bed in his crib around 7 but ends up with mom in her bed around 10. Dad is asleep. She enjoys this and does not want to stop, but DH has told her that it is "her fault that the baby won't sleep through the night" and she needs to do CIO. In no way is the child allowed in "his" bed. He even set up a air mattress in the babies room so mom can lay down with him in there. Does anyone else feel dad is insane???

I get not everyone likes to co-sleep but to me if you are not part of the solution, then you have n osay in what can or can't be done. I also would get if he wanted "alone" time with mom and the baby was there so he felt left out, however, the baby is in his crib during that time and doesn't go to moms bed till after dad is sleeping for the night.

Mark · 02-02-2010, 02:43 PM

Nope I think Dad is completely justified in this situation. But I also do not agree with co-sleeping so I'm sure I am the minority here.

Also, Dad has every right to voice his opinion. Just because his level of assistance is not up to what you feel is adequate does not make his opinion invalid.

Kaytee · 02-02-2010, 04:10 PM

so you blame the mother for the baby waking up? He does. She even tried to talk to him about how it made her feel and why she would not do CIO and his response (quoted from her) "its your fault he won't sleep, you are just not a good mother!" that hurts!

Mark · 02-02-2010, 04:42 PM

No not at all. I do not blame the mother for the baby getting up at night. And the father is an idiot for saying she is a bad mother. That is unbelievable really. The only part I agreed with, and based on the limited info I have, is that the mother is accepting of the situation and therefore is part of the problem as to why the baby won't go back to sleep in their crib. That is based on her seeming to have no problem with co-sleeping and is fine with the baby staying with her through the night.

Kaytee · 02-02-2010, 05:49 PM

she said he screams at her when she puts him in his crib, that she will let him cry for about 5 minutes but then it takes another 15 minutes to calm him down. Thats all I got from the story.
It actually seems like a lot more is going on with this one as she said he sent her a text today that said "well if all we get out of this marriage is **** then so be it" they ahve been married for 7 years

RaisingHavoc · 02-02-2010, 05:58 PM

We actually came to point like this. I's flatten my DH is he ever spoke to me like that....anyhooo. I said if you dont want the baby in bed with us then you get up with him and put him back to sleep in his bed. He did it for about 3 nights then bubba just slept in bed with us. DH did not understand how draining it was to get awake for 15 to 45 min then go back to bed get comfy and fall back asleep. I am against CIO in an infant. That womans husband my have a serious fear that one of them my fall asleep on the baby. I think thats normal. He may be scared for the saftey of his child and that may be why he is so against it. That whole non violent communication thing I'm doing ...an observation, feeling, need, and request. Dad could have said something like... I see that the baby is in our bed, I feel scared, I need to know that our baby is safe, Can we find a better way for all of us to sleep?

jenilouise · 02-02-2010, 05:59 PM

I co-sleep- it works for me. He doesn't want to co-sleep and she doesn't want to CIO. They need to come up with a compromise.

As for him calling her a bad mother- that is unnecessary and untrue.

Kaytee · 02-02-2010, 08:22 PM

its obvious its not for fear of the child or he wouldn't haveput the blow up matress in th ebabies room, heck thats more dangerous then a regular mattress.

RaisingHavoc · 02-02-2010, 08:55 PM

I see how the blow up mattress is more dangerous but I dont see it as obvious the same as you do. I dont know him or her or the whole story. I was just making a possible observation of the situation. With the child in the other room HE would not be physically able to crush/smother the child. Or he could just be an inconsiderate jerk.

Kaytee · 02-02-2010, 09:34 PM

yep one or the other! lol

02-02-2010, 01:47 PM	#1
Kaytee Leader Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,123 My Mood: Rep Power: 82 Reputation: 289 Children Nichole and Avery	does the other parent get to make the decision? so this came up somehwere that mom had to do all the sleep stuff. Dad was either at work or just didn't do it. She enjoys cuddling wiht her baby and nursing him to sleep (6 months old) Dh works very early so goes to bed around 8pm. Baby goes to bed in his crib around 7 but ends up with mom in her bed around 10. Dad is asleep. She enjoys this and does not want to stop, but DH has told her that it is "her fault that the baby won't sleep through the night" and she needs to do CIO. In no way is the child allowed in "his" bed. He even set up a air mattress in the babies room so mom can lay down with him in there. Does anyone else feel dad is insane??? I get not everyone likes to co-sleep but to me if you are not part of the solution, then you have n osay in what can or can't be done. I also would get if he wanted "alone" time with mom and the baby was there so he felt left out, however, the baby is in his crib during that time and doesn't go to moms bed till after dad is sleeping for the night. __________________

02-02-2010, 02:43 PM	#2
Mark Proud Father Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan Age: 34 Posts: 3,563 My Mood: Rep Power: 47 Reputation: 308 Children Alexandra (9), Sean (4)	Nope I think Dad is completely justified in this situation. But I also do not agree with co-sleeping so I'm sure I am the minority here. Also, Dad has every right to voice his opinion. Just because his level of assistance is not up to what you feel is adequate does not make his opinion invalid. __________________ Are you new to NowParenting? Come and introduce yourself here! Sign up for NowParenting Mail, Chat, Calendar, Documents, and more... Click Here! If someone posts something that is helpful, consider giving them reputation points! Come and join the Computer Users group here at NowParenting. *"Miracles Happen!"*

02-02-2010, 04:10 PM	#3
Kaytee Leader Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,123 My Mood: Rep Power: 82 Reputation: 289 Children Nichole and Avery	so you blame the mother for the baby waking up? He does. She even tried to talk to him about how it made her feel and why she would not do CIO and his response (quoted from her) "its your fault he won't sleep, you are just not a good mother!" that hurts! __________________

02-02-2010, 04:42 PM	#4
Mark Proud Father Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan Age: 34 Posts: 3,563 My Mood: Rep Power: 47 Reputation: 308 Children Alexandra (9), Sean (4)	No not at all. I do not blame the mother for the baby getting up at night. And the father is an idiot for saying she is a bad mother. That is unbelievable really. The only part I agreed with, and based on the limited info I have, is that the mother is accepting of the situation and therefore is part of the problem as to why the baby won't go back to sleep in their crib. That is based on her seeming to have no problem with co-sleeping and is fine with the baby staying with her through the night. __________________ Are you new to NowParenting? Come and introduce yourself here! Sign up for NowParenting Mail, Chat, Calendar, Documents, and more... Click Here! If someone posts something that is helpful, consider giving them reputation points! Come and join the Computer Users group here at NowParenting. *"Miracles Happen!"*

02-02-2010, 05:49 PM	#5
Kaytee Leader Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,123 My Mood: Rep Power: 82 Reputation: 289 Children Nichole and Avery	she said he screams at her when she puts him in his crib, that she will let him cry for about 5 minutes but then it takes another 15 minutes to calm him down. Thats all I got from the story. It actually seems like a lot more is going on with this one as she said he sent her a text today that said "well if all we get out of this marriage is **** then so be it" they ahve been married for 7 years __________________

02-02-2010, 05:58 PM	#6
RaisingHavoc NowParenting Addict Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: The Woods, AZ Age: 35 Posts: 1,180 My Mood: Rep Power: 20 Reputation: 272 Children Havoc 3 DD 6	We actually came to point like this. I's flatten my DH is he ever spoke to me like that....anyhooo. I said if you dont want the baby in bed with us then you get up with him and put him back to sleep in his bed. He did it for about 3 nights then bubba just slept in bed with us. DH did not understand how draining it was to get awake for 15 to 45 min then go back to bed get comfy and fall back asleep. I am against CIO in an infant. That womans husband my have a serious fear that one of them my fall asleep on the baby. I think thats normal. He may be scared for the saftey of his child and that may be why he is so against it. That whole non violent communication thing I'm doing ...an observation, feeling, need, and request. Dad could have said something like... I see that the baby is in our bed, I feel scared, I need to know that our baby is safe, Can we find a better way for all of us to sleep? __________________ Married since '05, DD age 6, Havoc 3 “You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.” -William D. Tammeus

02-02-2010, 05:59 PM	#7
jenilouise 4 1/2 feet of fury! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Oregon Age: 30 Posts: 5,940 My Mood: Rep Power: 70 Reputation: 287 Children Isabella (11), Josephine (10), Hannah (8), Natalia (2), and Sophia (infant)	I co-sleep- it works for me. He doesn't want to co-sleep and she doesn't want to CIO. They need to come up with a compromise. As for him calling her a bad mother- that is unnecessary and untrue. __________________

02-02-2010, 08:22 PM	#8
Kaytee Leader Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,123 My Mood: Rep Power: 82 Reputation: 289 Children Nichole and Avery	its obvious its not for fear of the child or he wouldn't haveput the blow up matress in th ebabies room, heck thats more dangerous then a regular mattress. __________________

02-02-2010, 08:55 PM	#9
RaisingHavoc NowParenting Addict Join Date: Sep 2008 Location: The Woods, AZ Age: 35 Posts: 1,180 My Mood: Rep Power: 20 Reputation: 272 Children Havoc 3 DD 6	I see how the blow up mattress is more dangerous but I dont see it as obvious the same as you do. I dont know him or her or the whole story. I was just making a possible observation of the situation. With the child in the other room HE would not be physically able to crush/smother the child. Or he could just be an inconsiderate jerk. __________________ Married since '05, DD age 6, Havoc 3 “You don't really understand human nature unless you know why a child on a merry-go-round will wave at his parents every time around - and why his parents will always wave back.” -William D. Tammeus

02-02-2010, 09:34 PM	#10
Kaytee Leader Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,123 My Mood: Rep Power: 82 Reputation: 289 Children Nichole and Avery	yep one or the other! lol __________________

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