is it okay...

Kaytee · 02-08-2010, 09:39 AM

to have hidden bank accounts from your SO?

Dadu2004 · 02-08-2010, 09:52 AM

Most definately not. If people are hiding that, what else are they hiding?

Kim · 02-08-2010, 10:12 AM

I have one. I think it depends. Mine is because I stay home and don't make money of my own. So if I want to buy mike a present or something, I like to be able to do so without him knowing. I stash cash there whenever I find money in the laundry. If he asked me if I have a bank account I would tell him, the only reason it is a secret is so I can surprise him with a vacation for our anniversary this year.

meow173 · 02-08-2010, 11:49 AM

I don't think so.....its no longer his money or her money.....its OUR money.

Kaytee · 02-08-2010, 01:46 PM

Originally Posted by Kim

I have one. I think it depends. Mine is because I stay home and don't make money of my own. So if I want to buy mike a present or something, I like to be able to do so without him knowing. I stash cash there whenever I find money in the laundry. If he asked me if I have a bank account I would tell him, the only reason it is a secret is so I can surprise him with a vacation for our anniversary this year.

I think this is the only reason I would not agree wiht the others. Having a secret account is wrong, but if you are doing for a specific reason for BOTH of you, then I think its kinda sweet

Mark · 02-08-2010, 05:03 PM

I would be very concerned if I learned that my wife had a secret bank account. There has to be a certain level of trust and if one person wants to save some money for fun things for them, that is fine. I would not mind my wife having her own account for "fun money" but I should know about it.

And yes, Kim, you get the reprieve on this one.

The reason you have one would be the only way this could slide with me and even then eventually your husband needs to find out about it (which he will).

PennQuaker · 02-09-2010, 12:25 AM

I don't think married couples should have secret accounts. I think it's fine to have separate accounts, but the main accounts should be joint.

I understand where Kim is coming from, because I stay at home also and I don't make any money. However, all of our accounts are joint for legal reasons. We both came into the relationship with existing accounts, like I have stuff connected my trust fund, and that's only in my name. But I don't have a lot of access to that money anyway.

Firefly4698 · 02-09-2010, 11:56 AM

I do not feel a secret account is okay. If you share everything else in your lives, why do you need a SECRET account. It's one thing to have seperate accounts that both of you are aware of, but you should not have to hide. I get what Kim is saying about saving up money to buy a surprise gift or something, but you wouldn't need an account for that. You could just put money away for a little while, in an envolope or something. But I only agree with that if there is a goal of a gift in mind, not just to putting money away for the sake of it.

Kim · 02-09-2010, 09:03 PM

If I had an envelope full of cash here at the house, it would be spent on MAC and Ann Taylor Loft in about 30 seconds flat, LOL. That is why it is in a bank account. Besides, I need the debit card attached to it to book hotel rooms and flights and stuff.

Honestly, Mike and I don't tell each other every little detail of our lives. We don't keep important secrets, but we don't share everything. I don't think he would care one bit if he knew I had this bank account, I think he would know there was no malicious intent, and I'm not stashing away money to leave him or feed some secret gambling habit or something.

I think it largely depends on the couple. We are pretty laid-back about this kind of stuff. I think if you have a husband/wife that would get angry or upset if they found out, then those people should not have a secret bank account. Or if one person has money in a secret account and is buying a ton of stuff for themselves when as a family they are struggling to pay bills.

jenilouise · 02-10-2010, 04:10 AM

I like Kim's idea. I think it is okay to have separate accounts but in most cases (not Kim's because like others said I think that is sweet) not secret accounts. Even if Brian and I were to get married I would keep my account separate. If we don't marry Maggie will remain my beneficiary on everything as well even though I know I am his. I have more than just Sophia to worry about though.l

02-08-2010, 09:39 AM	#1
Kaytee Leader Join Date: Jan 2008 Posts: 7,178 My Mood: Rep Power: 82 Reputation: 289 Children Nichole and Avery	is it okay... to have hidden bank accounts from your SO? __________________

02-08-2010, 10:12 AM	#3
Kim I can change my own title Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: St. Louis, MO Posts: 2,795 My Mood: Rep Power: 39 Reputation: 311 Children Hannah and Megan	I have one. I think it depends. Mine is because I stay home and don't make money of my own. So if I want to buy mike a present or something, I like to be able to do so without him knowing. I stash cash there whenever I find money in the laundry. If he asked me if I have a bank account I would tell him, the only reason it is a secret is so I can surprise him with a vacation for our anniversary this year. __________________

02-08-2010, 11:49 AM	#4
meow173 NowParenting Addict Join Date: Apr 2009 Location: Hamilton, ON Age: 25 Posts: 1,093 My Mood: Rep Power: 15 Reputation: 172 Children Luke and Abbigail	I don't think so.....its no longer his money or her money.....its OUR money. __________________

02-08-2010, 05:03 PM	#6
Mark Proud Father Join Date: Jan 2008 Location: Michigan Age: 34 Posts: 3,574 My Mood: Rep Power: 47 Reputation: 308 Children Alexandra (9), Sean (4)	I would be very concerned if I learned that my wife had a secret bank account. There has to be a certain level of trust and if one person wants to save some money for fun things for them, that is fine. I would not mind my wife having her own account for "fun money" but I should know about it. And yes, Kim, you get the reprieve on this one. The reason you have one would be the only way this could slide with me and even then eventually your husband needs to find out about it (which he will). __________________ Are you new to NowParenting? Come and introduce yourself here! Sign up for NowParenting Mail, Chat, Calendar, Documents, and more... Click Here! If someone posts something that is helpful, consider giving them reputation points! Come and join the Computer Users group here at NowParenting. *"Miracles Happen!"*

02-09-2010, 11:56 AM	#8
Firefly4698 NowParenting Addict Join Date: Nov 2008 Location: Cleveland, Ohio Age: 26 Posts: 550 My Mood: Rep Power: 11 Reputation: 77 Children Delaney, 5.5	I do not feel a secret account is okay. If you share everything else in your lives, why do you need a SECRET account. It's one thing to have seperate accounts that both of you are aware of, but you should not have to hide. I get what Kim is saying about saving up money to buy a surprise gift or something, but you wouldn't need an account for that. You could just put money away for a little while, in an envolope or something. But I only agree with that if there is a goal of a gift in mind, not just to putting money away for the sake of it. __________________

02-08-2010, 09:52 AM	#2
Dadu2004 NowParenting Addict Join Date: Jul 2008 Location: Cleveland, OH Age: 31 Posts: 1,894 My Mood: Rep Power: 28 Reputation: 332 Children Delaney - 5	Most definately not. If people are hiding that, what else are they hiding?

02-09-2010, 12:25 AM	#7
PennQuaker NowParenting Addict Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Tenafly, NJ Age: 25 Posts: 475 My Mood: Rep Power: 14 Reputation: 125 Children Savannah and Hunter	I don't think married couples should have secret accounts. I think it's fine to have separate accounts, but the main accounts should be joint. I understand where Kim is coming from, because I stay at home also and I don't make any money. However, all of our accounts are joint for legal reasons. We both came into the relationship with existing accounts, like I have stuff connected my trust fund, and that's only in my name. But I don't have a lot of access to that money anyway.

02-09-2010, 09:03 PM	#9
Kim I can change my own title Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: St. Louis, MO Posts: 2,795 My Mood: Rep Power: 39 Reputation: 311 Children Hannah and Megan	If I had an envelope full of cash here at the house, it would be spent on MAC and Ann Taylor Loft in about 30 seconds flat, LOL. That is why it is in a bank account. Besides, I need the debit card attached to it to book hotel rooms and flights and stuff. Honestly, Mike and I don't tell each other every little detail of our lives. We don't keep important secrets, but we don't share everything. I don't think he would care one bit if he knew I had this bank account, I think he would know there was no malicious intent, and I'm not stashing away money to leave him or feed some secret gambling habit or something. I think it largely depends on the couple. We are pretty laid-back about this kind of stuff. I think if you have a husband/wife that would get angry or upset if they found out, then those people should not have a secret bank account. Or if one person has money in a secret account and is buying a ton of stuff for themselves when as a family they are struggling to pay bills. __________________

02-10-2010, 04:10 AM	#10
jenilouise 4 1/2 feet of fury! Join Date: Feb 2008 Location: Oregon Age: 30 Posts: 5,999 My Mood: Rep Power: 70 Reputation: 287 Children Isabella (11), Josephine (10), Hannah (8), Natalia (2), and Sophia (infant)	I like Kim's idea. I think it is okay to have separate accounts but in most cases (not Kim's because like others said I think that is sweet) not secret accounts. Even if Brian and I were to get married I would keep my account separate. If we don't marry Maggie will remain my beneficiary on everything as well even though I know I am his. I have more than just Sophia to worry about though.l __________________

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