Kaytee

She has been such a handful lately! I don't know what to do with her! She is nothing but one giant tantrum after another! I went to my on line playgroup of kids that are born the same month as her asking them what they do when their kids have tantrums in the store. Well they are all lying to me or my child is just so spoiled and uncontrollable that I am obviously doing something wrong!!!
They all said things like " oh no tantrums in stores" "has tantrums at home but way to friendly in the store to have one" and crap! My child rarely can go in a store without a tantrum. We don't feed into it all either, well I don't, dh can lol, but he is NEVER with her without me and usually its just me.
I don't put up with it yet there she goes again. Me pulling her out of the store by the arm pit as she is throwing herslef on the floor screaming, " I don't want to leave!!" on the top of her lungs. I just calmly tell her "well we have to leave because you can't control yourself right now" grr..... Either that or I have to basically force her against my chest while she kicks and scrams on the top of her lungs!! UHHGG!! Do you see my frustration!"
Leaving works really well, but just for that visit, I have to do it every time!!!
I have to put everything down and tell her "ok we have to go sit outside now till you can calm yourself down and act like a big girl" we then leave, she screms for 5 plus minutes (not exagerrating) make her take deep breaths, tell her after she has calmed down "ok now we have to go back in and finish shopping. Can you behave and act like a big girl?" i get the wimpering "yes I can behave" I make her say she is sorry and we go back in. She then acts perfectly good the rest of the trip. And no I do not let her get anything when we are at the store. Not even a drink when she is behaving that way. Even when she has calmed down and we go back in, when she says she wants something I tell her no, you weren't behaving earlier, so maybe next time she could get something special. After we leave though, as soon as she even starts to misbehave (walk to far ahead of me and won't listen when I tell her to stop, I just say "do we need to leave again?" and she immediately comes right back and behaves!

So what should I be doing, because obviously this does not work!

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Mark

Kaytee, this stuff never happens. What are you talking about?

Of course that is a big lie and this happens all the time for us. Our son will usually cause a stir if we are in a restaurant or in line for anything that requires him to have patience. In stores he is usually fine but that is only because he still likes to ride in the shopping cart and that is kinda' like a mini-jail cell for him. As for the tantrums in restaurants, just recently I had to take him out to the car - kicking and screaming - because he could not behave. I do not like kids that throw fits in restaurants and this includes my kids as well. He wouldn't sit down and kept shouting at me and my wife when we tried to get him to behave. So me and him went to the car, I buckled him into his car seat, and I got into the driver seat. I turned on the car and calmly talked to him about how he was acting and that I would not put up with it. He calmed down and after about five minutes we were able to return to the restaurant and he was great from then on out.

For us there needs to be an action to his tantrums and not just a threat. We need to take him out of the situation for him to understand we are serious. Since you are already doing that, I can't suggest much else other than to keep going through with it. I have found that ignoring them does work too but unfortunately there are times when that isn't possible. If your daughter is on the floor kicking and screaming and she is nearly knocking into other people, you certainly can't ignore that.

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"Miracles Happen!"

Neal

>>Leaving works really well, but just for that visit, I have to do it every time!!!

Kaytee, Is it possible that is what she wants despite the fact she is throwing a fit to stay? She wants to leave the store.

My wife was known to let our daughter throw a public fit and not make any effort to stop it. She would just stand there totally ignoring our daughter while our daughter was all pissy about not getting her own way (in public). I am sure it annoyed people who had to listen and a few strangers probably didn't approve of how she handled it, but my wife felt that in the long run it was the right way to deal with our daughter. Not sure if that makes any sense, but for us that is what was most effective with her when she was younger. For our daughter at least, she quickly realized that hissy fits in public places were no different than hissy fits at home, and my wife wasn't going to respond to them. Each kid is different, and what is effective is not unversal; what works for one, might be useless with another. Our daughter was pretty good in stores, she generally would get upset when it was time to leave the park, she wanted to stay and play with the other little kids.

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Kaytee

thanks guys.
And Neal, i don't think its what she wants (to leave that is) usually what causes the tantrums in the first place is her not being able to go where she wants. Nichole is so darn independent that it is not good. Everything she has to do by herself with no help from anyone. Including things that she can't do just because she is two. But gosh darn she will keep trying until she gets so frustrated that she ends up gritting her teeth and grunting or stomping her foot into the floor.
Whenever I ignore her, that will work for small tantrums, jus thte normal "I want candy" but I won't buy it for kinda tantrum. Those are more the whiney normal melt down kind. Easy enough to ignore. Don't last more then a minute at most.
These are full blown out kicking screaming tantrums because she thinks she needs to walk in front of us, or not in the same aisle as us, or because she "just want to walk by myself mommy" tantrums! lol
I always give a warning that if she can't behave then we will leave, so when she ignores it again, I just leave. Then it takes me a good 5-10 minutes to get her to stop screaming. She then apologizes to me and we can go back in and she behaves.
She never would sit in a stroller as a baby. Not even a new born. Would scream at us for ever until we took her out. Sure I could have left her to scream and just deal, but the way I feel is my child will never have to cry because she wants me. Now she can cry cuz she doesn't get her way, but NEVER because she wants me. So as she got older, we would try strollers and such and never a go! lol So I have used my stroller maybe 5 times in her 2 1/2 years. Stubborn toot is what she is! lol So sitting her in the cart would just start off with an immediate tantrum for us. We have tried teh fancy kid carts they have at some stores, and she likes them, but for only a few minutes then she "I just want to walk over here" she talks to much! lol

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Fallon

OMG the stores I could tell about Debralyn...this happened all the time with her and honestly Logan is starting to turn into a walking temper tantrum. You are handling exactly how I always did and honestly it worked the same way, she would be good for the rest of that visit and then next time we start all over again. eventually she grew out of it

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SAH mommy to Debralyn 10-21-02 and Bubba (Logan) 3-19-07
Madeline 07-10-09

Kaytee

lol thanks Fallon, thats what I thought, but geez I want it to end now!!!
She was so awnry at church yesterday too. Not bad at least but I was just done by 9 am that I wanted to quit my job leave her at the nursery and pick her up later! lol
She was really cute though as well. She yelled at the choir loft during the serman "what you doing up there? Come down!" and then when they read the gospel, her friends dad is the thuriffer (spelling) the guy with incense. And she is screaming so loud, "look mommy, its Emma's daddy!! hi Emma's daddy!!"

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Kim

Hannah very rarely had tantrums in stores - and that is the 100% truth. I try to involve her as much as possible - Hannah, can you help me pick out some laundry soap? Hannah can you help me choose some bananas? Hannah, can you tell me which of these is yellow? - really letting her be involved kept her occupied and made her feel grown-up. The other thing she liked to do was "check off" my list. I gave her her own little notepad and pencil and as we would go through the store she would "write" down everything we got.

On the rare occasion that she did have a tantrum(I think maybe 4 times total), I would leave my cart where it was, pick her up, and leave the store immediately - and I mean leave. Get in the car and go home. We would rest and do our errands the next day or something. I think most of those tantrums were related to being tired, so I almost feel like they were my fault - pushing to get too much done in one day or something.

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Kaytee

we do the involving thing as well. I always let her decide what type of cereal she gets, Of course thats limited as we only get organic cereal mainly because its main with sugar cane not sugar. Same with fruits, she tells me waht fruits she wants for the week. I don't do the list as I don't have one myself! lol
I would love to be able to leave and stay gone but tis just not possible, as there is typically one day that we can go shopping in the first place. Dh works midnights and 10-15 hour shifts, so we go on Tuesday. He is off Tue-thurs. Wednesday we can't go due to church and Thursday is playgroup. SHe would be really bad if we went then! lol playgroup makes her exhausted!!! lol me too though!

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Neal

What I find interesting is that after the kids have their hissy fit, you can take them back into the store and they're be much more reasonable.

Kaytee, why do you think Nichol is more cooperative after you take her outside for 5 minutes as she stomps & yells?

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Kaytee

I have no clue! lol I guess he learned that she can't get away with the tantrum so she stops, but it only lasts until the next time we go out.
Your guess is as good as mine.

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